Monday, June 30, 2008


9:21 is not the time most workdays start. I mean, I know they can start at any old time depending on the job. Most people in my office come in between 7:30 and 9:00, and when I'm at the client's office (AHA! I DO have clients!), they're here between 7:00 and 8:00 because they're state employees.

So of course I come strolling in at 9:21. Makes sense to me.

Actually, part of the reason for this lazy start was really very well thought out on my end: when I'm at the client's office, where I am being trained, you have to walk out of the office, down the hall, to the eternally depressing "Vending Room" if you want coffee. Then, you have to fish around in your purse for $1.25 and inevitiably fumble with it like I always do, so that you end up on the "Vending Room" carpet in your dress slacks, one cheek pressed up against the machine of your vending choice, while your hand extends each metatarsal to its full capability (which still, somehow, is never quite long enough to reach the fugitive coin).
And then you pull a styrofoam cup off the stack and place it approximately where you estimate the coffee will disburse from, and close the little plastic window without it slamming your hand.
You insert the money, you punch the button, and voila! Your coffee spits out of the to your cup.

See, you have to do all of this for coffee. The idea behind coffee is that it wakes you up out of a morning stupor. When I am in my morning stupor, I prefer not to wrestle with machines and coins and wasted coffee: I want the beverage in my belly.

Which is why, this morning, I stopped at the other office. We have free coffee there.

I picked up my laptop, too, since I couldn't keep it in my car for the weekend (company policy denotes that actually, I can, if my car locks. Well, listen, company- I'm sorry, but you're not paying me enough to get a car that locks. That is a luxury I simply cannot afford. The laptop stays with you guys this weekend).

I am feeling quite proud of myself for executing this brilliant plan as I'm pulling in to the client's parking lot. I figure, if one of my fellow employees asks me why I'm late, I can just say something casual like, "Oh, I had to take care of a few things at the other office. You know, work stuff." And they will nod and smile knowingly.

Then, as I am getting out of my unlocking car, I spill my coffee on my pants.

Happy Monday.

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