Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Run

I always loved how many definitions follow the word "run" in the dictionary. It is a testament to the ability of the human brain, and the magic of words, that we ever understand "run" at all.

A few manifestations of "run" in my own life:

I have a manager who literally runs around the office. You can hear him coming, which is great, because the other two managers sneak up on you, and all of a sudden, they know you like flat black boots from Nordstrom, read wedding planning blogs religiously, and that you chat with your best friends on Gmail pretty much all the live long day. But not Jagadees. He kind of goes sprinting off between the aisles of cubicles haphazardly, and not in great form either. He is noisy because the tops of his feet drag, and I think he sometimes runs into corners. It is one of the few joys of my day, and I hope he never slows down. He also just got a haircut, and it looks like someone sharpened his head with an Exacto knife, the way we used to do it in art class: all angular and uneven.

"Run" by the electronic band Air is one of the sexiest songs ever. I have not been able to listen to it since the split as it recalls the sensation of a smile, of candle smoke, of "stay like this," and of snow.

Last night, I plotted my escape. Again. I don't know if I am actually going to run away anywhere, or what it would solve, but I think I am finally understanding the nature of a "late rebellious streak." People rebel and push against norms when they feel trapped, suffocated, bored, and unchallenged. Check. Check. Check. Check.
Plus, watching Anthony Bourdain galavanting around Uruguay on his fantastic show "No Reservations" only increased my need for travel.

Is it travel? Or is it living in another place that I want? I think the latter. One can always make the argument that once you live there, wherever that may be, then it's just like anywhere. Yeah, you try living in a suburb of Portland and then living in an apartment in Paris and then tell me it's the same. Or with your friends in Hawaii. Maybe it is, I don't know yet. I think I like the idea of being somewhere where you make your own norms.
I'm not pulling that "oh, society is restricting me!" bullshit, but, there are neighborhoods and environments that are more conducive to learning and growing than others. I would like to find one, and carefully plot a move, as I won't allow myself to run there.

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