Thursday, May 7, 2009

Straight Up: Paula Abdul

There are few things that irk me as much as celebrity for celebrity's sake- people who become obnoxiously ubiquitous and overexposed for no apparent reason, other than to fuel their own unhealthy self-obsessions. It seriously grinds my gears.

The most recent object of my wrath (previous offenders include: Paris Hilton, everyone who is a part of the Laguna Beach/Hills franchise, children of legitimate celebrities) is 90's hit-maker, American Idol's drunkest judge, and best person to watch on local news interviews, Paula Abdul.

Let me preface this by saying I've been stewing about this for days, but only today realized that her pain pill addiction started as a valid dependency due to a car crash, or a plane crash, and not just a career nosedive. She's been through a lot, I get it, fine. Good for her. However...

The most recent thing that's been bugging me is that, yes, on the way to work in the mornings, I like to listen to the radio. The problem with this is that 99% of morning radio is absolutely worthless junk. This forces me to skip around from station to station to avoid commercials (it doesn't work) and I think for the last 4 days running, Paula Abdul has been a guest on the "John Jay & Rich" morning show (it's awful. Don't listen to it). She sounds perpetually drunk, and it is such an obvious and desperate PR stunt for her new album, that I can't help but be annoyed.

Paula, I like American Idol, ok? I do. How can I not love the institution that gave the world Kelly Clarkson? I love Simon's little smirk, especially when you say something stupid, and I love when he draws little mustaches on your face.

But I do not love that you are desperately clinging to your song & dance career, as it was over years ago, with that beloved song which I first heard on my next-door-neighbor and best friend's giant cassette player: "Straight Up".

Girl, you are done. And now, a video montage of all things that you ARE still good for:

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