Wednesday, May 26, 2010

World of Workcraft

About a month ago, our boss tells us that we will be getting a few new team members to help with the increased workload of this project phase.

"A couple names I don't remember, but, some of you will be pleased to know that Brody Fabinelli will be back."

"That's great!"
"He's awesome!"
Whoops of joy from my analyst team fill the air. I glance at Jane, who is grinning, and I mouth, "Who is this guy?"
"Oh," she whispers, "He is SO. Cool."

I get a little excited. Someone cool? Working here? He sounds like he could be almost good-looking, young... surely witty or worldly.

Then I reign myself in - okay, if they all know him... he probably isn't YOUNG. But I am still sure he is hot. Maybe silver-fox kind of hot. A little office eye-candy after almost two years in this wasteland? I'll take it.

Cut to two weeks ago.

I am working out of our other office for the day, so I plunk my stuff down at an open cubicle. There is a man I don't recognize at the desk behind me, muttering about his computer, and clicking his mouse methodically. He gets frustrated, and stalks down the aisle of cubicles, his long salt-and-pepper ponytail flicking from side to side with his gait.

My computer boots up and I sip at my coffee absentmindedly when I hear a familiar voice say, "Hi there - staying out of trouble?"
I spin around in my chair to Kyle, our IT support guy. He is standing with my new cube mate, a visiting IT assistant, I presume.

"Oh, hi Kyle."
"Hey, have you met Brody?"

Ah. I should have known.

"Hi Brody, it's nice to meet you," I say, extending my hand.

"Hello." He shakes my hand brusquely. He is middle aged, with the beginnings of an impressive set of jowls.
His hair is parted down the middle, smoothed behind his ears. He has broad stooped shoulders, and can't stand more than about 5'6".
He kind of looks like... a... hobbit? I think. No. Maybe it's his build, he's kind of cave-troll esque. Or, actually, it's the hair! Yes, his hair makes him look like an elf.
My brain is a slot machine full of JRR Tolkien creatures, spinning and slowing, but failing to rest on any one item.
Orc! No no... wait, it's gotta be...a... Gollum? Hold it, no, it's the hair, definitely elf....he kind of looks like the Liv Tyler elf, actually... but, well... no no it's totally troll. I wonder if he's better with an axe, or a bow?

I also notice that he is waiting next to his computer sheepishly, which I now see has an image taking up the whole 15 inch monitor. It looked like this:

No, of course. It couldn't be any other way. Of course he plays World of Warcraft. Of course the only new team member we get in my time here who isn't directly flown in from Bangalore, India on the hunt for a wife plays Warcraft. Why wouldn't he? This makes perfect sense, Universe. I appreciate your consistency. It at least explains why he looks like he belongs in the game.

I purse my lips and crinkle my eyes in a smile, and turn back to my own computer, which might have had my Gmail window up, but come on, at least I didn't DOWNLOAD WoW on my WORK LAPTOP the SECOND I got to my new job. And then try to PLAY it on my client's network, which, by the way, is a state agency, and therefore paid for by tax dollars.

Minutes later, my boss, Allen walks up. "Hey Jessica- Kyle, Brod- oh." He catches sight of Brody's monitor, featuring the sword-wielding, busty digital nymph. So that's why your computer isn't working," he says brightly. "I will.. just.. let you take care of that," he says, backing out of the cube, smirking.

This would have all been more okay with me, had someone actually reprimanded him or, I don't know, fired him maybe?

But no. Kyle proceeds to talk about his Level 80 Paladin and his sick new Divine Shield, and how he had a Horde character for a while, but really prefers to play Alliance... and ON.




  1. Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear. But O, how I have just laughed.

  2. sometimes i wish my boyfriend would get into that. just so we could stay home sometimes. i could get the laundry done. god i'm old.