Tuesday, June 29, 2010

An Unlikely Friendship

I have a friend from the interwebz.
I can’t tell you her name, because it’s exactly the same as mine. First and last.
…which is the only reason we are friends:
We have almost identical email addresses.

For a while a couple years back, people would mention that they had sent things to me and I would have to tell them that they were crazy because I was not receiving anything.
And then one day, the mystery was solved.

A friend at the time, Michael, emailed “me” something. But it went to the wrong email address, and a girl responded saying, “Hey- just wanted to let you know you have the wrong person. This happens a lot.”
And he responded indignantly, “Well, what do you do with all her emails?”
And she replied, “Uh…nothing?”
And he actually chastised her and said, “What if those were important! What if it were life and death! You should have tried to find her on Facebook!” and generally just made her feel terrible, and after getting ahold of me via other methods, provided my correct email address to her.

So now, this darling girl from New Hampshire, who happens to share my first and last names, forwards me my errant emails diligently.
Thus far, here are a smattering of emails she has been unfortunate enough to have to read, and then pass on:

  • A girlfriend’s conversation with her mother, that I should date her brother.
    (“So we were in the middle of my birthday dinner enjoying some tapas when my mother piped up ‘What about that ____ for your brother?’ Not only did my mother like you, she wants you to date and then marry my older brother. Think about it.”)
  • Strict instructions on bridesmaid duties and festivity planning.
  • Mass announcements of new email addresses.
  • One announcement from an amiga who is back in the states from teaching abroad, followed by a multiple paragraph analysis of her time spent there.
  • A less tactful request for guests to volunteer to help decorate a reception hall between the wedding and reception. (When forwarded, she said, “Thank god this is for you and not me. I first had a heart attack that I had forgotten a wedding (I already have 5 this summer!!) and I have been roped into special volunteer activities for 4/5 weddings!!”)
  • Pictures of me (at bars, usually drinking).

And last, but certainly not least:

  • A labor and delivery series of announcements from my married friends who included, in detailed fashion, information on cervical dilation in quantifiable measurements.

    This poor girl, my name twin, has been not only subjected to these nuisances in her Inbox (which I would be terribly miffed about- I take my Gmail very seriously) but then takes the time to forward them on to me, and often times will reply to the original email for me, gently informing them that the intended recipients middle initial is missing from the address.

    And then I feel bad for my friends, who have spilled their guts, their plans, their rants and schedules to a total stranger.
    My name twin could be a stalker. She could be a baby killer. An identity thief. A powerful businesswoman with hiring power. A Facebook addict, religiously hunting down offenders and memorizing their Interests and Favorite Quotes. An online serial dater … Any number of personality types you wouldn’t want to have your email address coupled with personal information about your life or cervix.

    But more likely than not, she’s just irritated that when she goes to check her email, sometimes her only unread messages are spam, coupons, or intimate details about people she doesn’t know.

Let’s respect the name twins of the world and double-check our emails before we send them.

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