Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Pins & Needles

My limbs fall asleep a lot.

I am not sure if this is a result of poor circulation or the fact that I am always trying to prop myself up in weird ways while I'm on my computer so as to keep the laptop off my thighs (it gets so HOT), but no matter the reason, I stand up and grimace while the pins and needles stick and unstick themselves into my nerve endings.

You know this feeling. There is always this sort of momentary shock, and then the dawning horror that the leg, or foot, is asleep and that there is a hard part to come. That trying to put pressure on the extremity will hurt, and the uncontrollable vascular missiles will fire and explode all up and down the appendage and all you can do is wait until it stops, when it is done.
But you can't just sit there, either: you have to get the blood flowing, the miracle blood that will fill all those barren capillaries, and there are things to do and no slumbering leg will impede your progress to stand up to get that power cord, or answer the phone, or whatever urgent call has drawn you from your awkward crouching position.

To move will hurt, and as you stand, it might kind of tickle, and then in a rush the wave of pain and anxiety burst at the apex. There is a blossoming ripple, a submission to the inevitable, and then, it sort of slowly ebbs to a trickle down one of your shins.
You shudder once as the last of the weirdness escapes through your minor phalanges, and then it's done. You straighten your leg to walk and you put the foot on the floor and follow with the other, and you leave the place where it happened.

That's basically how I feel right now.

I am rising from my cumbersome perch, a position I willingly entered to alleviate another problem-area in my life, and as I am rising to answer this new call, the tingling and the anxiety floor me. The idea that the next step will bring pain, before it is washed away by a pride in trying, scares me and I wait for that climax of a loss of control with dread: I will never find a normal roommate on Craigslist, I will never sell my car, I will never be able to afford an apartment here, no one will hire me. I will have to turn tail and start over.

And I take another step, and all of a sudden, I'm on the other side of it.
There are some loose ends not yet tied up, but there's a beginning to the end of the discomfort: I got a job offer yesterday, and found a place to sublet for the month of October for a VERY good price with a VERY nice girl.

The best news? The job is in an event planning division of an information technology consulting firm: I GET TO KEEP THE BLOG TITLE! Just kidding. Kind of.

I'm waiting to hear a few details, yet, and the living situation could burst at the end of October, but the first wave of terror has passed and I'm standing.

4 comments:

  1. How exciting for you! I KNEW you would be fine with your job interview :) So proud and thrilled and wanting to hear more about it. Phone chat soon.

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  2. Congrats on the job offer! Can't wait to hear how it turns out :)

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  3. Yay!!! Congrats Jess. That is AWESOME! :)

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  4. Thanks, lovely friends. Still shaking out a couple job details but things are looking a-okay for now!
    Miss you each dearly.

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