Note to self, and all other secretly aspiring stand-up comics in hiding
I went to a comedy show Saturday night. Turns out, cliches aren't funny, so when doing a stand-up routine, feel free to never again speak, or speak of, the following:
1. "Justin Bieber" is not, in itself, a punchline. Same goes for "Sarah Palin." Try harder.
2. "THE SUBWAY" and stories thereof cannot sustain an entire stand-up routine, as true as all your numerous observations and frustrations may be.
3. We get it - Ed Hardy shirts are awful, and so are the people who wear them. ...Good one.
4. Old women: not funny when you're vulgar. It just makes everyone want to cry in discomfort, which isn't why must of us go to comedy clubs.
5. Jews are typically bad at sports, gay men like interior decorating, women's breasts sag as they age - Let's evolve our self-deprecatory material, people.